Learning to Glide
April 8, 2023
The freefall imagery from the previous post has always felt like leaping (or being pushed) off a cliff and down a narrow canyon. I realize now that falling was a choice. Or maybe I was never falling at all – but gliding instead. The difference in perspective is important. Falling feels like terror and dread…of hitting the bottom and being flattened! Gliding feels smooth and easy. Maybe I don’t have full control of the direction or speed just yet.
I remember hang-gliding for the first time. We were in the Outer Banks of North Carolina at sand dunes called Jockey’s Ridge. These are the sand dunes where the Wight Brothers practiced taking flight in their wooden aircraft…we all know how that story ends…triumphantly. Anyway, we had been vacationing at the Outer Banks every summer for the previous few years. I was with my ex-husband’s family. The trip was hosted by his father and it was wildly uncomfortable every year. Each year I found that at the end of the trip I had not done any of the things that I wanted to do. I never spoke up or made a fuss. I truly wanted to fly under the radar on those trips. I saw what happened when anyone dared to have a desire that wasn’t part of the plan…there had been tantrums, fights, bad feelings, and tension in the air each year. This year, though, I spoke up and stated that I wanted to go hang-gliding on this trip. I set aside the money and immediately made the reservations before I changed my mind. I showed up early in the morning and went through the safety class. Then I trudged up the hill of sand and got fitted on the glider. I was the first in the group to give it a go. As I ran and pushed myself off the edge of the dune, I felt the wings of the glider lift me into the air. I felt completely safe and completely in control of the contraption that held me. I veered to the left and to the right. I let the glider coast. I looked at the incredible beauty all around me – a panoramic view with the ocean to my right and the sound to my left. It was breathtaking. I remember the feeling of peace that filled me. I felt light and whole. When it was time to land. I followed the instructions from the morning and made a confident landing on my first try. It was incredible. I have often thought of having this experience again. To feel that freedom of spirit again. Maybe that feeling is more accessible than I thought. Maybe it is the true state of spirit that is always available, all I have to do is allow it.
Back to the falling through the canyon… I am beginning to understand that the canyon I am in has openings in the walls. Passages that lead to other canyons or open spaces. Some lead to water and a place to rest. What I thought was a limiting canyon with solid walls has expanded into an endless adventure. The piece of the canyon that I have been in is only a small piece of the larger picture. The perspective changed and suddenly everything feels different. Better. Lighter.
I also always imagined the falling as being a solitary and very lonely experience. That may have been my perspective too. If I widen the lens I can see that there are others around me. Some are falling as the dead weight that I was falling as. Some are discovering their wings and learning to glide like I find myself now learning. Some are soaring with their wings outstretched and allowing themselves to feel all that there is to feel. I begin to realize that because there is no roof on this canyon I can choose to fly up instead of falling down. The script has been flipped. No more learning to accept that life is a terrifying experience of having o accept being in freefall. The freefall is only the first stage. Once the wings are allowed to spread I see that what has to be accepted is that I always had another choice. I can embrace that I am always in flight, not dead weight falling.
-M.L.